Equal Marriage, Common Law Marriage, and the Slippery Slope

I believe that the best way to deal with the controversy regarding the issuing of marriage licenses to persons of the same sex is to stop issuing marriage licenses to everyone and to bring back common law marriages.  Marriage licenses in the United States were created to discriminate against a particular bonding of certain types of persons which the majority of people in this country and/or particular states of this country desired to exclude from being able to obtain a legally recognized marriage.  Common law marriages worked well in the United States until the creation of miscegenation laws that barred blacks and whites from marrying, the requirement that Utah outlaw polygamy before being allowed to join the union, and the current prohibition of recognized legal marriages in 49 states for persons of the same sex.  Universal income taxation resulted in the requirement to obtain federally recognized marriage licenses issued and written by the states in order for people to obtain the ability to count deductions and benefits on their federal and state income tax forms, as well as to obtain certain other rights as directed by state and local laws.

Common law marriages are contracts created by two persons in order to determine how their individual relationship will function; this is similar to how pre-nuptials work in today’s society.  Marriage, in any form, is partially about the creation of an economic contract and union between persons, although economic advantage is most certainly not the only reason persons marry one another.  We must recognize that the economic aspect of marriage allows for greater wealth creation and accumulation than what a single person of either sex is capable of typically accomplishing alone, especially if that single person is also a single parent. 

Why do so many people want the government involved in what is primarily an institution of religion?  The majority of vows at weddings include the preacher saying by the power invested in him by God and the state of “whatever” you are pronounced a married couple.  It seems to me that the state has overstretched its boundaries and has breached the wall of separation between church and state or else has declared all religions the official religion of the United States which would place the various churches and religions under the power and authority of the government and not God.  If you are a non-theist, you should consider the fact that the state makes you take part in a religious ceremony in order to acquire secular rights and benefits.  If one looks to America’s past we see that the First President of the United States, George Washington, did not need a government issued marriage license to make his marriage legitimate to anyone.  If George Washington didn’t need a marriage license to get married, then I don't see why I need the government to approve the private relationship, informal or contractual, that I and any future significant other may have.

With regards to recognition of common law marriage by society in general, I believe that we should allow businesses to decide whether or not they will recognize certain types of common law marriages as legitimate or not.  I’m gay and I don’t fear living without laws that force businesses and individuals to accept me; because frankly, I don’t want bigots to receive a dime of my money.  Plus if we look at the vast majority of businesses today, especially large and medium size businesses, most of them recognize domestic partnerships for gay couples voluntarily.  Many businesses provide benefits to gay person’s partners because they want to attract gay workers and gay customers.  The amount of Rainbow Dollars (spend able income by queer people) is quite large and many studies show gay customers to be quite loyal to brands that support their cause despite cultural myths that gay people make finicky customers. Also when it comes to small businesses there are almost always businesses which will cater to certain classes of clientele whether they be women, men, black, Mexican, gay, etc.

I know that my views are not politically correct; but frankly, I don’t particularly care about being politically correct.  I agree with social conservatives that the legalization of gay marriage will lead to a movement to allow polygamy based upon religious freedom grounds.  Polygamy has a long history as a legitimate and traditional relationship between partners.  Even the Bible recognizes polygamy as legitimate, in my opinion, due to the many wives of Solomon and other biblical leaders.  The truth is that the ‘traditional’ nuclear family is a recent creation of 1950’s government propaganda and subsidization to break up the traditional family of extended families either living together or within relatively close proximity to one another in order to spur economic growth by increasing urban populations. 

In the past most grandparents lived with their children and grandchildren. The creation of large numbers of nursing homes are a recent trend in the country and are a response by the free market to care for the elderly now that their children no longer fulfill that role.  I grew up in what I consider to be the true traditional family structure which our ancestors brought to America as immigrants from Europe.  I had a mother, a father, and siblings living in my household, my grandmother lived in a small home next door, my great aunt lived down the road, my great uncle and a few cousins lived across the street, my other grandmother lived across town, one of my aunt’s lived in town, and one uncle lived on the old family farm in a town about 5 miles away.  We also farmed approximately one acre of our land, had a barn, chickens, and some livestock.

Returning to the topic of the slippery slope, just because legalizing gay marriage will most likely be followed by a movement to legalize polygamy does not mean that gay marriage should not be legalized as the two are actually very different from legal, moral, religious, and sociological standpoints.  The Equal Marriage Movement’s goal is for one person to be able to marry someone, not everyone, regardless of the gender of their partner.  In fact the polygamists will have to convince everyone, gay people included, that polygamy is an idea and family structure worth tolerating or accepting as legitimate.  In fact if we look at the breakdown of gay people politically we see that approximately 25% of gay people currently identify as Republican despite the fact that the Republican Party is dominated by an anti-gay social agenda.  Once gay marriage is legalized across America then gay people will likely split almost 50/50 between social liberals and social conservatives although in all likelihood slightly more gays will vote liberal in the same way that slightly more women vote democrat and slightly more men vote Republican.

I believe however that unless we switch back to common law marriages, then Equal Marriage will have to occur due to the legal precedents of judicial interpretations of the 4^th and 14^th amendments to the United States Constitution, especially in light of the cases of Lawrence vs. Texas and Loving v. Virginia.  The arguments against marriage equality are based on either particular religious views or data which many in the scientific community believe to be based on flawed and/or biased assumptions about gay people and their ability to have stable relationships as well as raise children.  In fact recent psychological research suggests that a same-sex couple will raise children as well as an opposite sex couple and the sexual orientation of the parents does not affect an adopted child’s sexual orientation.  Here is a link to a summary of one such study: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2005/10/12/health/webmd/main938234.shtml

According to the study, gay and lesbian couples are raising between one million and six million children.  Also other studies which research census data show that gay and lesbian couples are not as well off as the myths in popular culture about queer people being affluent and well educated would have us believe.  In fact gay and lesbian couples had lower rates of education, lower rates of home ownership, and greater poverty rates than straight couples.  Equal marriage would help solve many of these problems and protect more children against poverty and reduce instability in the home.  Who could argue with any sense of logic, or decency for that matter, that barring certain families from obtaining the protections of marriage for parents and their children is a ‘pro-family’ position?

Also due to the fact that same-sex couples can’t have children for biological reasons (like many opposite-sex couples), but often desire to raise children; they become a logical and reasonable choice for society’s need of loving homes to raise children who currently are being raised in foster care and/or orphanages.  Even if you believe that a married couple of opposite genders is more desirable than a married couple of the same gender for the purpose of raising children, you must consider whether you believe that children will be better raised by the state or by a same-sex couple.  If you think that a kid will be better raised by the state in the foster and orphanage system than by a loving same-sex couple who would love that child unconditionally, then I believe that your mind is incapable of open-ended rational and logical thought at the present time and that you are most likely a religious zealot incapable of overcoming an effective strategy of brainwashing, naivety, lack of exposure to those outside of your church or suburb, and a belief system that places more value on your current set of beliefs being correct than on reality and truth.

Even if the government gave absolutely no legal benefits for married couples, gay and lesbian people would still seek out marriage equality because marriage isn’t just about an economic and legal contract but about showing love and commitment to one person whom you desire to spend the rest of your life with.  Currently gay and lesbian people have commitment ceremonies which are really just weddings and marriages which are not legally recognized at this time.  With regards to the Gay Rights Movement and its supposed “gay agenda”; there is an ultimate goal for our movement and that is for all non-heterosexual people to be accepted, not tolerated, by society as a normal classification of human beings and to not have to live in fear of violence for showing affection openly to the persons we love and cherish more than anything else in this world, except maybe our children for those of us blessed enough to have such precious beings in our life.

A few reasons why abortion should remain legal.

There are many reasons why abortion should be kept legal.  These are the ones I have chosen to point out.  This is not a comprehensive list of why abortion should be legal.

1. Making abortion legal actually reduces the number of abortions (look at the Netherlands).  This has been shown through most empirical evidence available and applies to other products and services driven into the black market from drug prohibition to gambling to prostitution, etc.  Liberalization of these markets allows for personal responsibility on the part of all people and reduces attempts to stop all usage.  Legalization also eliminates any organized crime rings which thrive on these products and services being illegal.  When liberalization and legalization of a market segment occurs, it is assumed that people will have access to these products and services, people are then educated in how best to use these products and services in a moderate manner or to avoid them all together.
2. The increase in education due to abortion being legal results in more women learning about alternative measures to abortion.  This can mean giving up their children for adoption, learning how to acquire assistance to raise the child themselves, etc.
3. Before abortion was legal; it is believed that abortion procedures were performed at greater rates than we experience today in a legal market for abortion services.  On average there are 1.4 million abortions a year at present.  Before 1973 it is estimated that there were between 200,000 and 1.2 million abortions a year.  Most likely there were probably about 1 million abortions a year as that would be slightly more abortions as a percentage of the population than what we experience today, which would be consist with the use of services which have been pushed into the underground economy.  This number of abortions performed is higher because before abortion clinics were opened women that wanted to have an abortion either drank or drugged the child away, used the handy dandy and versatile wire coat hanger in ways not intended by its manufacturers, or the women found themselves a doctor willing to perform the operation usually for much higher costs than today’s clinics.  Also due to its illegality there were no substantial education campaigns informing women of their options other than abortion.  The women employing these methods of abortion exposed themselves to unnecessary risks and would often severely injure themselves while performing them, die from the injuries, or else their children would be born with certain defects due to side effects of ineffective abortion attempts.
4. It is believed that approximately 1/3 of women by age 45 in America today have had an abortion.  If we try to imprison all the women in America who will still be having abortions, then we will destroy our country with the massive tax bill that will result from imprisoning the millions necessary to enforce the law equally among all people.  Of course the law won't be enforced equally.  It will be the poor and minorities who suffer the most under these laws just as they are always the ones to suffer in disproportion numbers and with the harshest penalties.
5. Who is going to provide homes for the hundreds of thousands of children who would be born if women actually did stop having abortions?  Of course those trying to outlaw abortion know that they will not have to deal with this question and potential problem because they know that the number of abortions will increase and not decrease.  They know that they will be unable to stop abortions from occurring.  Religious theocrats merely want to put away the small number of women who they will be able to collect enough evidence to send to prison as "examples" for the rest of the population.  Also they want to be able to go to sleep at night patting themselves on the back for doing a good job and trying to stop those horrible evil people, without actually having to exert any effort whatsoever in order to stop abortion from actually occurring which requires education, hope for women in an often desperate situation, charity, and most importantly hard work from those capable of providing assistance.
6. If we look to American history we see that abortion was not completely illegal in the United States until certain laws began to be passed in the late 1800’s.  Before the 1860’s the majority of American Christians believed that abortion was a viable option before the quickening.  The quickening was when a woman first felt her child kick inside of her womb.  It was believed that the first kicking occurs because the soul for the child had just entered into the child and therefore the child had come alive.  Therefore before the quickening the mother could abort the thing inside of her for any reason, with consent from the father (this was when a woman was her husband’s property).  During the late 1800’s however science was making more and more scientific discoveries about how biology actually worked.  It is believed that at some point a Christian scientist decided that life began at the moment of fertilization and the soul entered the child at conception and not the point of the quickening.  His ideas eventually spread and became the predominant thought in modern Christianity as to when exactly the soul enters the body.
7. Not all Americans are Christians.  In fact only 75% of the population of the United States is Christian.  Although only 13% identify as Non-Religious/Secular while another 1% identify as agnostic or atheist.  Many groups try to claim that the 13% of the population that identifies as Non-Religious/Secular is actually Agnostic/Atheist however they obviously chose not to identify as such during the survey.  Moving on, this means that not all Americans would share a view on when, or even if, the soul enters the body.  If anti-choice activists want to say that a life form’s biological life begins at the point of conception, I do not believe that this is a point that could be argued against.  However there is still serious debate about when a person is actually conscious and aware and/or has gained a soul.  Is it the quickening, when neurons start firing, or conception?
   Also if abortion is murder, what is murder?  What is the definition of murder?  Is murder the taking of a human life by another human being with no exceptions including military service and self-defense?  Is murder the taking of one human life by another unless they are killing a foreign “enemy” and in self-defense?  Does it matter if the soldiers are on the side of the defenders or the aggressors?  Aren’t one man’s heroes another’s war criminals?  What definition of murder do we want our society to have?  And are we prepared to accept the very real consequences our decisions will have or will we ignore reality and instead accept a blissful ignorance as we do in so many facets of life today?  What of those people who do not regard fetuses whose neurons have yet to fire as human life?  Do we force our definition of human life upon them for the sake of that unborn child?  Also how do we force that mother to raise an entity she regards as nothing more than a biological parasite within her body?  She believes that she owns her body and that she should be able to end the life of a biological parasite, which is what an unborn child is until around the 28^th week of pregnancy, just as she would end the life of any other parasite in her body.  The child will most likely be unhealthy due to her lack of concern for the entity within her womb.  Also if the government can force a woman to be a human incubator does that not also mean that the government can mandate other certain regulations, regardless of arbitrariness, upon any pregnant woman.  Once you get the government involved with something their involvement will not end or stop at what many would consider a common sense place to stop.  The passing of abortion laws mean that the government owns a woman’s body because they can force her against her will to participate in an activity which she has no desire to participate.
8. The real answer to the problem of abortion is full legalization.  The government should provide no funds whatsoever to subsidize even one abortion or the clinics that they are performed in.  It is cruel and unusual to make those who disagree with abortion and view it as murder to be forced to pay for such procedures.
9. Real sex education and encouraging responsible personal behavior through the use of condoms and birth control would contribute to a decrease in unwanted pregnancy.  Also we should encourage young people to wait until they are older to have sexual intercourse in order to better appreciate the emotional and spiritual bonds that can occur while making love and to do so for the first time in a long-term committed relationship.  Not abstinence until marriage, but more like letting a fine wine mature for better taste.  Will all or even most teenagers choose to wait, No.  This is why we have to instill in the minds of every young person that condoms do in fact substantially reduce the risk for the transfer of STDs and pregnancy. This is especially important for sex outside of monogamous committed relationships, plus teenagers don't want to get some random girl knocked up.
10. There should be no age bans on when a person may buy condoms or receive a prescription for birth control.  I personally believe that there should be no laws requiring parental consent for obtaining these products, as age of consent laws would substantially reduce the number of young people purchasing these products.  We have taken away personal responsibility from the youngest segment of adults and we wonder why young adults are not responsible.  Amazing.
11. The most important activity one can perform to actually reduce the number of abortions, for reasons outside of harm to the mother's life, would be to set up a network of charitable organizations designed to support women during pregnancy with whatever they need: food, shelter, encouragement, medical treatment, etcetera and then to have a network in place to find homes for those parents who simply are unable to care for a child themselves.  State assistance would not and should not be required if done correctly.  Imagine what the millions spent fighting equal marriage and outlawing abortion could do if the money were rechannelled into actually helping needy mothers and their children.
12. Also should the parents decide to keep the child the pregnancy charitable networks should be able to then redirect the new parents to charitable organizations which would help buy diapers and provide job enhancement services for the children's parents and possibly provide daycare services at a reduced charge.  What kind of charitable networks could provide these services you might ask?  Churches and secular non-profits fulfill these roles everyday however they are under funded in their ventures due to high taxes which decrease charitable giving, misuse of funds by churches that spend millions on buildings instead of people, and a lack of real concern and empathy for those in poverty and facing the very real choice of having to abort a child simply due to not being able to feed, clothe, and shelter themselves during pregnancy and the weeks immediately after birth.
13. On a final note I feel that every child born after 1973 in the United States is more special than children born before that date.  After 1973 your mother had the choice to end your life legally, safely, and cheaply however she decided that she would endure at least 9 months of strain, discomfort, and life upheaval in order so that you would have the chance to live.  This is especially true for all of those children who have been adopted.  Your mother was unable to care for you for some reason after your birth; however she endured something for you which she was not required by any legal authority to do.  So no matter how hard life gets; remember all of us born after 1973 should smile because our moms CHOSE for us to live regardless of whether we would accomplish great things which are noticed or great things which remain unnoticed.

My Life Since February

I've been really busy since I last posted a blog about my personal life.  Well lets see here what all has happened since late February.  I can't really think of anything outside of class from February until Spring Break.  The first Friday of Spring Break was St. Patricks Day and me and my frat brothers went to the River Market in Little Rock and we got a hotel room in the Marriot.  I got extremely drunk and I wound up making out with this girl in the Flying Saucer and then basically dry humping her on the floor.  I almost got kicked out for it, but I realized what was happening and she was trying to get me back to her hotel room, but I didn't bring a condom so I left. 

As I walked back to my hotel room this girl was like I'll show you my tits if you give me your beads and I'm sorry but she wasn't more than a small C at best and these beads were definitely worth a nice pair of Double Ds and so I was like no these beads are special to me because I got them at the Southside Irish Parade in Chicago.  Then she asked me if I was gay and I said no I'm bisexual.  So she was being held up by this guy and girl and she said I'll show you his dick for the beads, and she reached over and unzipped the guys pants.  I laughed and said no sorry and hurriedly walked back to my hotel room.

Later that week I proceeded to get extremely sick, because the remnants of my tonsils got infected somehow.  My fever hit 103.8 at the doctor's office one morning.  I stayed sick the week right after Spring Break which really sucked because I wasn't able to get any homework done so I got even further behind in my classes.

Eventually I got over all of that and I managed to keep up in my classes, except French.  Between Spring Break and finals the only interesting things I did were attend the ATO Formal, Viking Party, the Boys From Syracuse cast party, ATO Jr./Sr. Formal, Sig Pi Toga Party, and the Phi Mu formal.  The ATO Formal was held at the timeout in Paragould and Kellie Selby (Tina Fey) and Celeste went to the formal with me.  It was ok, but it felt like prom.  We then returned to my apartment to partake in drinks.

Viking Party was very slow this year although all the frat parties have been to my understanding.  The next event I attended was the Boys From Syracuse cast party.  That was a very interesting night to say the least.  I made the theatre party even more scandalous than usual.  Excessive making out, nudity and a hot tub were involved plus an Elvis room although no sexual intercourse oddly enough.  That party was the first time that I ever publicly made out with a guy.

The night of dead day was the ATO Jr./Sr. formal.  We went to Jerry's in Truman which is an awesome little restaurant with some good steaks.  It was nice and each of the graduating seniors made a good bye speech.  After the formal Hogue and I put on a Toga and we walked barefoot across campus to the Sig Pi house because we didn't bring a change of clothes and we only had formal shoes on and it had been raining.

The Phi Mu formal was on the weekend in the middle of finals and it provided a nice break from studying.  They held it at Club Red.  The food and company were good, the drinks expensive, and the music not so good but what can you expect from Club Red.  I think their formal was awesome, but I usually like their formals so I may be biased.  Also they made me one of their Phi Mu Flames which are the equivalent of our sweethearts.  I was much honored.

So finals week sucked.  I got up at 4am Sunday and I didn't go to bed until 9am Tuesday.  I slept about 3 hours during that time period and the rest of the time I was finishing up French homework, papers, and I was studying for my finals.  I managed to pull a 3.2 this semester.  I still think that Delphine gave me a B in French because I really don't see how I earned it.

Since finals have been over I have moved in with Celeste and Allie into Williamsburg Apartment Complex and I am now unemployed although I should be getting a jobs with Sam's Club on Monday since I've completed their drug tests and interview process.  Also I went home for like a few hours to get furniture and new brakes for my truck and then I immediately returned to Jonesboro.  Celeste and Allie are currently living up north until August so I won't see them again for a while.

I attended Jason and Krystal Hogues wedding which was held at Eagle View outside of Searcy.  It was beautiful.  I really liked their ceremony and it was held outside on a deck overlooking this very beautiful and picturesque valley.  The funny thing was that they had kegs at the reception, which was a first for me at a wedding reception although it was basically like having a very limited open bar.  Jason and Krystal went honeymooning in Hawaii.

Also since finals have been over my numbers have increased to 8.  I've been a naughty boy.  Also I have started watching Queer As Folk which is an awesome series although it's on VHS and Ryan still has my VCR so I've been watching it on Allie's little 13 TV with a built in VCR.  During the past couple of weeks I filled out an interview for a grad student at the University of Wisconsin about being out as Gay and Greek.  Also I helped out Eric O'Neal with his grad project which sees how in shape PE majors are versus other majors.  It is now therefore scientifically proven that I am very out of shape and that I have Type I Obesity.  This means that I am officially fat and that I will be working out because I have to get in better shape or else I'm going to have a heart attack at 40 plus I need to be sexy.  Hopefully I can make myself get into an exercise routine.

GSA Week

This week is Gay-Straight Alliance week at Arkansas State University.  I have posted all of these documents on my blog in order to support equal rights for all citizens of the United States which does in fact constitute myself as well as most likely the majority of people reading this blog.
We have three days of events planned.
Tue. 10AM-2PM Ally Day in the Student Union.  We will be selling buttons and we will have a “Queer Influences on Western Culture” display up and running.
Wed. 7PM Brokeback Mountain is being shown in the ASU Student Union Theatre.  This will be followed by a panel discussion of Brokeback Mountain at 9PM.
Thur. 8AM-2PM (or maybe later) we will have the Wall of Hate setup on the lawn by the Arch.  The Wall of Hate is going to be a piece of fabric that is hung over a volleyball net and that various insults will be written on.  At the end of the day we will destroy the "wall" and we will therefore symbolically destroy the hateful things that wall represented.
I encourage all of you to come out and support us at GSA week.  You may think that Civil Rights issues don't affect you but they do.  Just remember that equal rights for everyone are rights that everyone shares.  When the government favors one group over another there are always negative consequences, many of which will likely be unforeseen.

Grace Billboard and Free Expression

(Originally Published in Fall 2004)

I would like to applaud Grace Baptist Church for using their right to freedom of speech.  If I am not mistaken the sign said, “God made Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve.”  This highly politicized statement is not scripture, or at least not in any version of the Bible I have read, although it is taken from the dozen or so references in the Bible condemning homosexuality. 

Many people say they are trying to defend the institution and definition of marriage, but I do not know what they are defending it from.  As far as I know the institution and definition of marriage is the coming together of two people who are madly in love with each other and want to be with each other for the rest of their life.  This is the ideal, but it is hardly the reality.  Over half of all marriages in the U.S. end up in divorce.  If homosexuals think they can make marriage work when half the people that already try fail, we should simply wish them luck.

I do not understand how with all of the problems in this world, such as the humanitarian crisis in Sudan or the AIDS epidemic, how people can get so caught up in standing against two people in love making a commitment to each other.  I do not see how homosexual marriage would so negatively and dramatically impact our society, because despite popular belief you can’t turn somebody gay as many people think that you can.  Homosexuals are born that way or became homosexual during early childhood, no one knows for sure.  Many say we are losing our morals and I say we as a nation never had them to begin with.  There have always been homosexuals, alcoholics, potheads, and kids having premarital sex since at least the beginning of the nation.  The difference between now and then is people are less apt to conform to “societal norms” and are more open to talking about socially taboo things they have done without fear of going to jail or being attacked by a mob.  The worst that might happen to you today is that other people will spread rumors about you, although the same people who spread rumors have often engaged in the same or similar socially taboo experiences.

If Christians really want to change homosexuals they should show them love and how much better and happier the Christian lifestyle is then the homosexual lifestyle.  Sermons on fire and brimstone work well on children and believers but not usually so well on non-believing adults, so don’t tell homosexuals they are going to burn in hell.  You won’t get very many converts that way, merely show them how happy and overjoyed you are to live a life in Christ.

I am a believer in separation between church and state.  Some of the worst things to happen in history happened when church and state were together, such as the Spanish Inquisition, the Taliban, or Iran.  I do not want to see that happen in this country where so many have died for the freedoms we all enjoy today.  The fight over homosexual marriage is a legal one because homosexuals already hold wedding ceremonies.  These marriages are simply not legally recognized, just like interracial marriages were at one time not legally recognized.  Please vote No against this constitutional amendment that would add discrimination into our constitution.  Couldn’t our collective efforts be better spent making the world a better place for those in need, instead of needlessly attacking those who are different from us?

Jason Young

Jonesboro